I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
