3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
