Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
