i can't believe i had my finger in that
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
