She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
