Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize