as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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