Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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