dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
