Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
