Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
