Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Randomize
