I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just found a bag of teeth...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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