for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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