What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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