So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
