omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
