I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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