I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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