You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
