I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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