I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
