Kiss
Puke
I faked an abortion last night.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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