I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
