gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
