I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize