the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
