I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
