tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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