I wish I could punch you in the face.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she looked like the before picture.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
