i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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