Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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