she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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