oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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