goodnight i made you a song goodbye
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
