How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
