I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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