this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
