Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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