he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
