Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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