"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
