i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
