fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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