I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
