nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
