Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm going to jail i love you
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
