dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
