you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
