i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
