that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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