i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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