Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
