Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
where are my eyebrows?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
