i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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