I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
