I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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