Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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