I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
