i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
