Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
