ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
