Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
