I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drake has all the answers
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
