and you said cock pushups were impossible
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
