I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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