Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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